The majority of people would say that they are likeable. I myself would say the same.
The difference is whether or not people would call themselves charismatic. Whether or not they would say they have that spark that can automatically enchant anyone they come in contact with.
Charisma: Born With or Learned?
Take Gary Vaynerchuk for example. He grew his family’s wine business from a $3 million business to a $60 million business in just five years. He now runs VaynerMedia, a prominent digital agency that day trades attention and builds businesses – Gary’s own personal mantra. Hundreds of thousands of people tune in every week to watch the AskGaryVee Show. Thousands of people also watch his DailyVee show, where he uses a handheld camera to record what he does on a daily basis. He’s booked at speaking events for major corporations and events almost weekly. And they pay big bucks for him. That’s charisma.
Imagine being able to have that kind of effect on people – to be able to sell your way to a $60 million business, or to be fascinating enough that people take time out of their day to watch what you’re doing with yours.
How much more successful could we all be, both personally and professionally, if we all came hard wired as “charismatic?”
So, are you simply born with charisma or can anyone be taught the art of lighting up a room? The word itself comes from the Greek meaning for “gift,” which would imply that one must be born with it. But, isn’t charisma also the difference between Marilyn Monroe and Norma Jean Baker? Isn’t it the difference between Lady Gaga and Stefani Joanne Germanotta? Lady Gaga sells out Madison Square Garden, influences the behavior of her massive fan network and has captivated the loyalty of millions. Marilyn Monroe possessed similar qualities during her career.
But if Stefani Germanotta or Norma Baker walked into a room, would heads even turn? Comparing a person’s alter ego (i.e. Lady Gaga) to their given identity (i.e. Stefani Germanotta) suggests that charisma isn’t always something you’re born with. It can be taught.
The 10 Simplest Ways to Make People Like You
What’s the secret? Do charismatic people have skills that the rest of us “ordinary” people can learn? Definitely!
Here are 10 ways that you can become more charismatic, and are the simplest ways to make people like you. (Credit to Robert Cialdini, who identified some of these in his book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.)
1.People tend to do business with people they genuinely like. Behave in a way that makes you likeable to others. Give people your full attention. Have a positive attitude. Be polite and patient.
2. People value other people who can keep their word. If you make a promise, follow through on it. Make sure you do it by the promised deadline, if not sooner.
3. People trust people who truly demonstrate they have their best interests at heart. This pivotal shift happens when you give advice that benefits them as much as, or even more than, it benefits you.
4. People want to work with people who are experts in their field. So, become one. Practice, train, educate yourself, research trends and never quit studying the experts around. As you build your expertise, share it with your audience. Making your knowledge available to others validates your status as an expert.
5. People like people who are vulnerable. There is a fine line between charismatic and intimidating. Even the most charismatic humans are still that, human. Encourage a human connection with others by showing that you’re not always perfect. Admit your shortcomings.
6. People want to give their money to people who are “real” and honest. You must truly believe that always being truthful is more important and powerful than lying. Not matter what the circumstances may be.
7. People respond best to people who are great listeners. There’s an old saying that sums this up perfectly: You were given two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen twice as much as you talk.
8. People feel comfortable around people who are similar to them. Always try to identify what you have in common with other people. Use these commonalities to prosper a connection.
9. People like people who are humble. Don’t brag about your successes. Mention them when necessary, but when someone brings them up, quickly move along and switch the topic back to the other person.
10. People want to be include helpful people in their network. We want to be around people who make our lives easier. Make it a personal standard to tend to the needs of others, even when your purpose may be to help yourself.
Did you find that you already possess several of these ingredients for charisma? Good. Now practice and refine them even more. Which ones do you still need to work on? Find the drive to work on them every chance you get, no matter how casual the conversation or interaction is.